Achan turned 75 Today. It's a significant milestone and I wish Kinu and I could have been with him to share it. Being the practical minded person he is, I'm sure achan doesn't mind the distance as long as he is in our thoughts. So today, I paused to think about achan, amma and how they molded me.
As the oldest boy in a family of 7, achan has always believed he should be a role model to everyone. That bred discipline and a deep desire to do everything he picks up to the fullest. From my youngest days I was guided by the same outlook. Do things as best I can, or don't. No half measures. As I grew up I noticed the flip side of that coin. They were at peace with life. Finding joy in little things, close friends, badminton, family, spirituality. Things that are always around them. They never looked for fulfillment based on the outcome of whatever they worked hard at. The work itself was the fulfillment. To Quote the Gita : "karmaṇye vedhi karaste ma phaleshu kadachana ma karma phalahetur bhurma te sango stvakarmaṇi". The right is to work. Not for the fruits of work. Do not let the fruits of your work be your motivation, nor assume the outcome is because of the work you did. Achan and amma are living examples of that philosophy and the real benefit it brings to our own life. By detaching from the outcome, they are free to pursue everything to their fullest ability without thought for whether it will succeed or fail. And they never burn out because the mind is always free from worry. A contended mind .. a continuous feast.
The other thing I learnt from my dad is that life is a lemon and spoon race, not a sprint. We have multiple balls in the air, and a life well lived is one where we can keep all of them up .. not one where we can throw one to touch the sky. Achan hung out with us, went to work, and played badminton every day. He never prioritized one over the other. Yes, I'm sure his family was more important than his sport, but, every day, the family got it's due, the job got it's due and the sport got it's due. He never let any one take over the other. Now, when I see him in his golden years, I can see the fruits of his balancing act. The job is gone, kinu and I are gone .. but amma and badminton remain. He's just added morning walks into the mix. Life is still worth living. Stuff is still happening around him that he wants to participate in.
While the underlying philosophy to life is shared by both, amma is a totally different person. Cheerfully resilient and ready to face whatever life throws at her. There isn't another who loves life more. And she's had her fair share of challenges. From losing her brother and her father at a young age, to surviving cancer and thriving, to sharing a house with two strong willed people like achan and me. She's done it, and she's done with with gusto. There's a saying from one of the marvel movies. "Compromise where you can .. and where you cannot, don't". I think that defines her to a T. Rock solid principles, and flexible everywhere else. She really is the glue that holds our family together. Filling up all the holes that our rigid, disciplined lifestyle created. Always ready with a joke and a kind word but never tolerating any nonsense.
I look at my two girls and I see so much of achan and amma in them. Megha with amma's sarcastic wit and achan's natural discipline, and Sona with amma's effortless brilliance, going through life on her own terms while still showing she's capable of going for any goal without every stopping to think if she's to succeed or fail .. just like achan. If there is one inheritance I want for them, it's that they inherit their outlook to life. Live free, live well and live to the fullest.
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